Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Plea

The sorrow was much bitter,
Than vinegar
mingled with gall.

The pain was a lot excruciating,
Than what she endured
During labour.

She wept incessantly,
Than any mother of this earth,
Seeing His son suffer for the world.

Perhaps, she prayed fervently
Than ever. That no mother
Should outlive to see an offspring breathe its last.

10 comments:

smriti said...

Nice one eddy....loved d last line :)

!nversed Poignancy! said...

Ouch, that was really painful words..
Wonderfully put across, Loved your metaphors at the first quatrain..

As always, awesome!

Winnie the poohi said...

Touched beyond measure! You have a way with words!

Vinz aka Vinu said...

Touching..

dheepikaa b said...

His's H in caps makes it quizzical. Really nice. Short and sharp.

But thought last two stanzas both came in the same tone. Almost the same thing. Either you wanna club the stanzas
or make the perspectives a little different
or even make slight changes
- like
He was suffering from the world
She, the mother who suffered more than any other,
wept incessantly.
Suggesting just a slight change in arrangement of lines cuz it puts both mother and son in picture or else the son is kind of lost. Or did you want only mother in picture?

Or even a variety of description in the last two stanzas (like different metaphors) would strengthen the piece.

Why "Perhaps", she wept fervently? There was no line that said anything in connection to that before. So.

Cheers,
Keep writing.

autumn leaves said...

very touching..

Priyanka Khot said...

my mom always says that she is worried sick when my brother n I are not home. When I question this fear, she says, "You are a part of me in the big bad world. And you are the most important part of me."

The scribble is fear of every mother but across in strong words.

Really well written. Kudos!

Chanchal said...

Thoughtful, and has a very high emotional content. I wished to see it continuing for more lines...

Manoshij Banerjee

http://manoshijanalyzing.blogvis.com

akanksha said...

Awwwwwwwwwww :(
Very well expressed!

coffeeismypoison said...

Painfully beautiful...